Duck Reacts to Hooman Ads


Welcome, my burritos. As I’m sure many of you are aware, I hold a dual identity as a duck and a blanket burrito. Quacker-quack. I’m proud of my species, so if you have any questions about my aquatic fowl attributes…please go ahead and ask. :P I also, though, have some experience with the race called…homans? Himins? Humens? Oh yes, I remember – hOoMaNs.

They’re odd.

There’s one particular aspect of hoomaness which I’ve always found bizarre: their ads.

Hooman ads are…well, they’re ads. At least, most of the time. So, today I’ll be rating and reacting them so that you don’t have to.

The highest score that an ad can get will be the classic 10, and I’ll add and subtract points from that. I’ll be including a rating of “duckness” so you can see how much duck representation we have in the media. :D Enjoy!

(None of the following gifs/images used before are mine.)

INSURANCE

Government Employees Insurance Company Logo • Download GEICO ...

No. 1

Hump Day Camel GIFs | Tenor

Oh, it’s a camel. Lovely. Camels are fun, though you know, they could have used a duck – just saying. Aw, what a happy camel. Listen, there’s nothing so strange about a talking camel. Then I would be a hypocrite, right? Camels being happy on Wednesdays? Also not that weird. I quite enjoy a Friday myself. But two random guys playing on a wooden stage in the middle of a workplace lobby? Come now, hoomans – have some logic.

-2 for illogical fallacy

+1 for camel representation

-1 for no ducks

Overall score: 8

No. 2

Ayyy there’s the English gecko. Aww, it’s okay English gecko – we’ve all been there when we can’t stop laughing for no reason.

Funny story: we were putting on a production of Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar, and I played the guy Decius who lures Caesar to his death. So, it’s the infamous scene where the conspirators stab Caesar to death. Julius Caesar is a tragedy and this is one of the most vital parts, so a serious persona is pretty important. Unfortunately for that, I could not stop laughing. Brutus would go “stab”, Caesar would go “blah”, I would go “teehee”. Eventually, my teacher got so exasperated she threatened to spank me which let me just say – you do not spank a duck. Hmph. No dignity.

+3 for the English gecko

+1 for accurate actor representation

-1 for no ducks (come on, up your duck game Geico)

Overall score: 13

No. 4

Camel GIFs | Tenor

Ooh look, more camels. I can’t tell what the hoomans are saying – upday? Update? *gasp* Duck day? Are…are they saying Mike? Is the guy with the popsicle named Mike? Are they trying to speak the language of camels? (They’re not doing a grand job of it, by the way. Ducks are fluent in all animal languages for smooth interspecies communication which hoomans need to catch up on.) Oh hey, they made a reference to the happy Wednesday camel. Good job. Consistency. *nods* Oh my dearie duck they are trying to speak camel. CAMELESE VOCABULARY DOES NOT SOLELY CONSIST OF UPDATE MIKE. You’re awfully nice, hoomans, but you tend to be lacking in the language department.

+1 for camels

+1 for their patience 

-1 for silly hoomans

+1 for that reference

-1 for no ducks

Overall score: 11

Wow. Nice job, Geico. Anyway, moving on – we have Farmer’s Insurance. I have a mixed relationship with farmers because they sometimes try to…to…eat ducks. But the crop farmers and I hold steady, though sometimes they chase us away from their plants which I find rude – have you never heard of the phrase “sharing is caring”?

Farmers Launches New Corporate Logo

No. 1

Self Driving Cars Lol GIF by Animation Domination High-Def - Find ...

Oh wow. That was a lot of cars being bashed all at once. I think I need a moment to process that. Cars feel so strange to me. Why don’t hoomans just grow wings? I can’t imagine that it’s so hard. Wait…wait…you can wash cars, right? I imagine you’d have a rough time of it pulling out of the pond when you were done with its bath, but I’m sure it’s possible. If I were a ram, I too would be threatened. Aww, I think that the paint splatters give a unique artistic touch. Oh. Explosion. Well, that escalates the situation a bit. If cars are so much trouble, again – why don’t you just grow wings? Silly hoomans.

-1 for cars and no wings

+1 for ram

-1 for negatively portraying paint splattered car

-1 for no ducks (per usual, sigh)

Overall score: 8

All right, not bad but could certainly do better. 

No. 2

Reinventing the wheel with the self-driving car | by Swarit ...

Wait. Wait. WHAT IS HAPPENING? Okay. Three things. 1) please have spatial awareness when pursuing romance  2) I’m a duck so don’t quote me on this but I’m fairly sure that octopuses don’t live in water so close to land 3) see if you had wings a tidal wave wouldn’t have washed an octopus into your car in the first place. They used the Psycho theme though, which I enjoy.

-1 for no spatial awareness (though I’m also the klutziest duck in the lake so don’t quote me on this)

-1 for octopus representation inaccuracy

-1 because I just don’t really like octopuses all that much (don’t judge me)

-1 for a car instead of wings

+1 for Psycho theme

-1 for no ducks

Overall score: 6

Mm. You might need to up your game a bit.

Moving  on from Farmer’s Insurance, we have its brother: State Farm! I don’t see too many ads from State Farm – this one is from 9 years ago.

State Farm logo – Merrick

No. 1

Phone Ring Sticker for iOS & Android | GIPHY

Your wife holds a fair point. Why are you calling the State Farm guy at 3am? You hoomans seem to call each other a lot. Now, with ducks, we have flocks so we don’t need your Phones. Oh wow, going after the khaki-wearing gang. Hmm. Eh, kinda mundane overall. Jealous spouses don’t compell me overly-much.

-2 for meh

-1 for STILL NO DUCKS

Overall score: 7

No. 2

Designtaxicom GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY

Here’s the same commercial but with…cone-headed aliens. I must say that this is way superior – more engaging with the audience, more unique, less jealous wife. But still – where are the ducks? 

+1 for being better than the other one

-1 for no ducks

Overall score: 10

PERFUME

I’ve seen perfume ads these waiting at airports and lemme just tell you – they’re something. I do understand why hoomans must wear perfume though – of course, not every species naturally smells like paradise as ducks do. 

DIOR

Rover.com GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

Woman walking towards a pool. That’s nice. Cool dress. It’s white! Like Aylsebury ducks! White high heels too…wait how does this ad have 67 million views? What? HAHA SHE’S SUPERMAN. SHE’S FLYING. Is the dress supposed to be a replacement for wings? Is that Jennifer Lawrence? Huh. Swimming in a long dress doesn’t seem the most practical thing, but I guess they have to compensate for no webbed feet. She’s…eating an apple. That’s lovely. Is that a jellyfish? In a swimming pool? WAIT DON’T REACH OUT AND TRY TO TOUCH IT. COMMON SENSE. There’s now a guy in the swimming pool as well. Okay. Now it’s night. Now it’s day. Now it’s night again. I’m lost. 

+1 for cool dress

+1 for really gorgeous looking apple

-1 for trying to touch a jellyfish

Overall score: 9

SEPHORA 

Delicate GIF by Taylor Swift - Find & Share on GIPHY

Now we have Sephora – but Brazil. Hey, wasn’t this the company that wanted to sue Taylor because they thought her Delicate music video copied this ad? I recognize that stunning green dress. Ah. Such a nice color. Boring guy droning on and on. Can relate. She doesn’t care. Also can relate. Walking through hotel hallway. We get a lovely side view of that dress. So pretty. OH MY GEESE SHE’S HAVING A STROKE. HELP HER. Nevermind. She’s turned into a psycho goose. Wait did she knock that guy out? That’s-that’s  a bit extreme. Nice biceps though. She’s now on a stage. Oh…and she fell. Impressive aerial. And…she just dove into the eyeball of a paper mache eye. Lovely.

The comments on this video are hysterical, though. Good job burritos. “When you drink the perfume instead of applying it.” – Prayeet Srivastava.

“Kenzo’s way of saying: ‘Use our perfume not drugs’.” – Alla Vnukova. 

I gotta say – at least Taylor Swift in delicate was uh, sane.

+2 for pretty dress

+1 for relatability

-1 for having a stroke and going psycho

+1 for funny comments

-1 for no ducks

Overall score: 12

FAST FOOD

Now we have fast food. Fast food is normally “meh” when it comes to ads. They just show a montage of tasty-looking food but when you actually buy it…falls from expectations. Being raised on a diet of scrumptious duckweed, however, that could just be a personal thing. However, I saw a couple in the past week and they’re really something so.

BURGER KING

Burger King 🍔 by Théo Bacholier on Dribbble

He’s singing about cow methane. How charming. Now, you see, if you had ducks, you wouldn’t have that problem. It’s a catchy song though. Which isn’t really good. Man, I feel bad for the kids in this. Imagine walking around school and everybody laughing at you ‘cause you’re the cow farts boy. On the other hand, though, they’re probably filthy rich now so I doubt they care.

-1 for cow farts

-1 for no ducks

Overall score: 8

MCDONALDS

mcdonalds gifs Page 13 | WiffleGif

Uh, did they ever consider asking the customer if they wanted a free Ronald McDonald with their meal. I gotta admit that when he popped into the car backseat I almost jumped. Ugh clowns. Dancing, singing, bonking noses. Nice, nice. HOLD UP DID HE JUST STICK THAT KID’S HEAD IN THE SINK. Ronald McDonald is It mixed with Tigger on steroids. He’s just eating a burger, leave the kid alone. I’m scared. Oh ew. Why’d you have to show his mouth full of burger? Nobody wants to see that. WHAT WHAT IS HAPPENING. HE’S JUST EATING A BURGER. THIS GOOSE IS GOING PSYCHO. Thanks McDonalds. I’m scarred for life. 

-10 for Enni-trauma

-5 for gross burger-mouth

-1 for no ducks

Overall score: -16

Now, to finish this post (and to cleanse my mind of Ronald McDonald), we’re going to be finishing up with my favorite ad of all time. Technically, it should be in the insurance category but like I said – I need to purify my soul. 

THE HOLY GRAIL

AFLAC

Aflac Dancing Duck Commercial New Aflac Duck Voice on Make a GIF

Just two guys fishing on a boat. Wait for it…HA BEHOLD THE GLORIOUS DUCK. Bearing cash. Even more glorious. Oh dear. Leaky boat. That’s not good. Ha – holes can’t stop the Aflac duck. You go covering them with your webbed feet Aflac duck, you go. Oh no, not another leak. But what does the Aflac duck do? He does the splits! Bam. Aflac ducks. See, he’s flexible. He can even cover it with his wings. You would think those people on the boat would help though. Or get a better boat. Ungrateful hoomans. Man, he even stuck his head in that leak for you. *thumps heart* respect. <3

+1 for duck representation

+1,000,000 because it’s the Aflac ducks

+1,000,000,000 for its patience and dedication

-1 for ungrateful hoomans

Overall score: 1, 100, 000, 009 (don’t judge me if I didn’t get the numbers right) (it’s been a long time)

Hoomans – let me know, what do you think about your ads? What are some of your favorites and which would you recommend to a duck? If you have seen any ads with ducks, please let me know. I also highly encourage you to watch every Aflac commercial ever. Please. If you can get their insurance, that’d be great too.

Well, farewell my burritos – both hooman and not-hooman.

Have a lovely rest of your week!

15 thoughts on “Duck Reacts to Hooman Ads”

  1. my FAVORITE one was totally the crazy perfume lady. And like… you said the first part was relatable but really it was ALL. You wanna know why? Because that’s litterly me when I’m alone or with my family in a wide area of space. I go crazy. 100%. Like one time it was really late at night and me and my family were leaving this mall that was litterly about to close and I was just like that ’cause nobody was there. But now I wonder what the perfume is actually like. I wanna be a perfume actor now, lol.
    Enni, thank you for making he laugh and almost pee myself 10000 times.
    You made my day today. Thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You know, honestly, I do relate to that. I realized that I also tend to go bird-crazy when there’s no hoomans around so I get that. Yeah, it does make me wonder what kind of perfume has that power, right?
      Aww, thank you so much! I’m so happy to hear that. <3

      Liked by 1 person

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